If I'm going to watch a man-child try to impress a girl in the big city, I prefer one in a loincloth. Everyone loses their minds over Will Ferrell in Elf but we need to acknowledge the hunkiness and fun of Brendan Fraser in George of the Jungle.
Body Snatchers: The Thing vs The Faculty
The Thing is a so-called classic horror film starring Goldie Hawn's husband and some other old dudes. The Faculty is a tour de force of perfect casting, clever writing, and some real scares. If I was in charge of Hollywood, I would implement a law that required every film to star Jordana Brewster and any offenders would be sent into the La Brea Tar Pit.
Adventures in Babysitting: Leon The Professional vs Maleficent
These are two babysitters you probably won't find on Angie's List. Léon the assassin's love for milk can't keep Léon: The Professional from being a real creepfest while pointy witch Angelina Jolie makes Maleficent the feel good film of 2014.
Killer Instinct: Taxi Driver vs American Psycho 2
If I'm going to watch someone plot a murder, I'm bypassing creepy shaved head Robert De Niro in Taxi Driver and going right for one-liner loving Mila Kunis in American Psycho 2.
Eye of the Beholder: Little Miss Sunshine vs Drop Dead Gorgeous
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" could really sum up Tasteless as a whole. This episode, I practice my Minnesota accent, complain about children, and reminisce over Kirstie Alley while defending the brilliance of Drop Dead Gorgeous over the mediocrity of Little Miss Sunshine.
Thick as Thieves: Reservoir Dogs vs B*tch Slap
Quentin Tarantino is whatever, Zoë Bell is a goddess, Reservoir Dogs is a snooze fest, and Bitch Slap needs to be on everyone's must watch list ASAP.
No Holds Barred: Foxcatcher vs Bring It On
Foxcatcher and Bring It On are about athletes, power, and paranoia. Wrestling and cheerleading are more similar than you may think! And Big Red is the John du Pont of teen films.
Manic Pixie Dream Girls: Amelie vs Elizabethtown
If you want quirky women, look no further than this episode where I debate the Manic Pixie Dream Girl title given to Kirsten Dunst and her red hat in Elizabethtown. I also complain about Amelie sticking her hand in things and grinning from under her bangs. I miss Orlando Bloom.
Beauty and the Beast: An American Werewolf in London vs Jennifer's Body
Unleash the beast with the titular characters of An American Werewolf in London and Jennifer's Body. Diablo Cody can do no wrong, Megan Fox needs a comeback, and I own 3 copies of Jennifer's Body so I'm sure you can guess which movie I prefer.
Riding Dirty: Baby Driver vs The Fate of the Furious
Imagine a world where people drive fast cars and always have a witty comeback. Are you Team Baby or Team Toretto? I compare Baby Driver to The Fate of the Furious in this episode and I make NO APOLOGIES for being Team Toretto all the way.